go ahead and ask....

"stace whatcha doing?"

====>  whatever i want to!!!  :-)




i am in a state sans kids!  and it is beautifully blissfull.... capital B-L-I-S-S-F-U-L-L  !!
(yes, i mean full... as in over- freely -flowing)
oh my! hallefrigginlujah!

i love them, i do, i do!  and i miss them, a little.

and...
i can breathe, whew! 
i can re-collect myself....

my awareness, all of it, is just *right here*...
with me, now, and only.

i don't have to be attuned to the state of silence or noise.... if its too quiet, they are up to something.  scanning, what are those noises? is that healthy play?  is there trouble?  is it a dynamic, escalating?  will i need to intervene soon to guide them through communication, understanding and cooperation?  is that a sound of danger?

i don't have to be prepared that one of my daughters could wake in the middle of the night with a frightful dream... and settle her back down again. 

my activities can be as LOUD as i want.  i can LEAVE the house spur of the moment, any time of night, for whatever strikes my whim.  i can take a midnight walk under the stars hearing all the wild noises of life after dark... ha! i can!

simply, my attention, awareness, mindfulness isn't dispersed.... it doesn't have to go in the direction of my two dearest most precious beings and keeping them in good care.... which is an honor, my privilege, and taxing.  

its *right here* for me, solamente. 
and its this moment, that i realize intimately how much i have, to offer and to give....
because dispersion has been replaced with  intensity

focused, flowing...
shazam!
::: molten mama turns volcanic vixen with lava loving :::

so what am i about to do?  i don't know, it doesn't matter.... i just can.

;=D